Okay… so we’ve established that life is hard. One of the key contributing factors to the battle of navigating this hurricane-ridden existence (See article 1) is this little thing we call, “anxiety.”
“There’s no coffee!” “The price of gas is up 4 cents… overnight!” “The kids start summer break… today!” “OMG… that project is due today at work…” “Get off the phone while you’re driving, you nut case!!!”
And everyone’s favorite… relationships… ALL OF THEM!
Truth be told, anxiety is anything but “little.” Anxiety springs up in a split second and can affect and infect just about every area of our life. Left unchecked or unmanaged… well, the results can vary anywhere from minor irritations to full on medical conditions.
“Great!” you say. “My anxiety just kicked in from that little tidbit! Thanks, Lee!” Yep, there is no denying that feeling stressed, overwhelmed, worried, tense, nervous, concerned, angst-ridden, fearful, uneasy, apprehensive (I’ll bet I found you all in there with at least one of those!) all point to one conclusion…ANXIETY.
So, what is anxiety, you may ask, and why is it focusing all its wrath on me?! Okay, I’m going to break it down… you ready? Here it is… anxiety is fear or nervousness about what might happen… whether in this moment or any onward. Simple…right?
Here’s the thing… when we invest most or all our time, thought, or energy in fear of or worrying about what’s going to happen a moment, an hour, a day from now… to the point that we aren’t able to be present in the moment we are living… that, friends, is anxiety. There is a big difference between setting goals and making plans for the future and living 40 miles down the road of this moment and what is happening now.
Here’s an example: a man and woman get married and soon are expecting a baby (“Yay!”). So, baby, let’s call him Junior, is born (again, “Yay!”).
Dad says to himself, ”Self… you need to make sure this kid can go to college in 18 years.” So, he decides, like a good dad, that he needs to start saving and begins to work 50 or 60 hours a week to ensure his kid goes to college.
Well, what happens around month 10 or 11 of Junior’s life? Yep, mom calls dad and excitedly says, “Junior walked!” Well, bummmmer… dad missed it! He missed it because he was 18 years down the road obsessed with something that may or may not happen.
Suppose Junior decides to join the military? Or suppose… well, how many turns are there and how many things can happen in 18 years? How many other things will Dad miss in those years?
Now… does this mean that we shouldn’t set goals or plan? Absolutely not! We need goals and plans… they inspire us, give us purpose, get us up every day. The difficulty comes when living in the future, even a day or two, overshadows us living now… this moment.
We will never get to see Junior walk for the first time again… that thought leads us to the “woulda, coulda, shouldas” of life… but we’ll save those for a later discussion. For now, anxiety is a problem that can just be slowing you down and keeping you on edge, or it may be at the root of more serious concerns with your health and well-being.
Look, we all have “musts”, “gotta get dones,” and “requirements” happening in our lives… even this moment. Question is, how is anxiety affecting, controlling, and/or interfering with your health, relationships, and just living life? Is there a way to live stress-free within the hurricane?
I look forward the opportunity to assist you in exploring other options, choices, and actions to answer these and other questions you might have about your mental health, happiness and well-being.
Lee Armbruster is an LMFT practicing psychotherapy in the Palm Springs area. For information on individual and/or group counseling, please contact Lee at (760) 545-8894.
