Patience – How Does It Apply to Therapy?

Patience? Who has any?

I spent over 22 years in the United States Navy and Reserve. During that time, I learned so many practical principles that I have been able to apply in my life personally and as a therapist.

One of those principles revolves around patience. Yeah, I know, we’ve all heard a million different quotes and encouragements about patience! Bear with me this time, please.

I have a favorite metaphor to share regarding the question I always get from clients in therapy: “When will I be better?”… or “fixed?”…. or “healed”?

First, those terms sorta imply that there is “something wrong with you!” Look, you may not be operating at your optimum, or feel like you’re at your healthiest or happiest, or even feel like getting out of bed from one day to the next.

That doesn’t mean there is something “wrong” with you… it means things aren’t working in a way that particularly meet your needs and/or wants in a manner that allows you to live your life to the fullest and most enjoyable way you’d like.

So, enough of “there’s something ‘wrong’ with me!” Let’s take some time and figure out what isn’t working for you!

So, how long will it take?

Now, back to my metaphor.

During my time in the Navy, I rode on nearly every vessel and aircraft type in the naval arsenal… well, they never let me fly a jet… they knew me rather well – and they wanted it back!

One great adventure was riding on one of the largest floating ships ever made… the aircraft carrier, USS Ronald Regan! What a thrill to experience all the power and majestic grace of that massive behemoth. For all the imposing size and power of that vessel, I was very surprised to learn how small the rudders that turn the ship are! I couldn’t believe that those relatively “small” guides turned 101,400 tons (at her lightest) of steel.

Interesting thing about an aircraft carrier’s turn: because of the weight and maneuverability of the ship, it takes some time before the vessel begins to move, even a bit, after the order has been given for a turn. Let me explain.

The steering wheel (“helm” in proper Navy speak!) is a knob… no longer than the big wheel we have all seen in movies or maybe onboard a ship. As the order is given, the knob is turned to the proper setting and the ship turns… just not as quickly as that!

The terms for this maneuvering phenomenon are “advance and transfer.” Advance is the distance the ship continues to travel in the original direction before the rudders affect change in the course… it can be quite long…perhaps as long as a football field.

After the rudders do begin to move the ship in an even slightly different heading, the distance the ship travels in the same original direction while in the turn is called “transfer.” For a time, it may look like the ship is not changing course at all from above the water, while underneath the rudders are turned and the movement is beginning. Aircraft carriers need a wide area for course change…and, as any patient carrier Captain will tell you… she needs time.

So, how does this apply to therapy?

Well, when you start thinking about how long change may take, you might think of the aircraft carrier’s turn. Things may start to happen during therapy conversations… memories, hurts, challenging thoughts or fears, and a variety of other thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

You may not see or feel the change you’re hoping for immediately… it took you a long time to settle on the course you’ve been on. Life might have become very weighty and unmaneuverable.

The size and scope of whatever has been and is keeping you from having your needs and wants known and met, from experiencing joy and happiness, and from living the life you’ve always dreamed of and wanted may take time and resilience to move through before your rudder catches.

I can promise you – it will. I never saw an aircraft carrier not respond after that little knob was set to a new heading. And as sure as ever, the big girl always responded and began her move to a new direction and destination. That is how therapy works… to provide you with the opportunity to choose a new direction and destination in your time.

Now, you may ask me: “Where do you come in?”

Glad you asked!

You see, onboard your ship, your aircraft carrier (otherwise know as your life!), you are the Captain. You are in control… you give the orders… you say when you are ready to turn and when you want the rudder to change.

There are times when the waters are difficult at sea… narrow passages, shallow waters, and underwater obstacles. During these times, it is not uncommon to call for the assistance of what is known as a “Pilot.” A Pilot is a person who comes onboard and assists the Captain (you) through tough and potentially hazardous waters (thoughts, feelings, and emotions). The Captain (you) is still and always in command… the Pilot simply assists with the navigation through those difficult waters. I am your Pilot.

What I want you to know is this: you are that mighty, powerful, graceful ship… you have come through some deep, rough, overwhelming and, maybe, dangerous seas. But even the mighty Ronald Reagan needs to spend time in port after a long, arduous journey… she needs to be rested, looked after, repaired, painted… restored to her best for the next journey.

If it’s true of 100,000 tons of steel, isn’t true for you? Therapy is your chance to take care of you… to find rest, look after yourself, repair, and refresh (I don’t paint you! LOL)… to get you ready for the rest and, hopefully, best part of your life… your healthy, happy future!